Politics & Law — pg.1

pig judge
image adaption © Porkopolis.org ~ 001 ~

ANOINT, v.t.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood, So pigs to lead the populace are greased good.

LAWSUIT, n.: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage.

PRESIDENCY, n.: The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

ULTIMATUM, n.: In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions. Having received an ultimatum from Austria, the Turkish Ministry met to consider it. “O servant of the Prophet,” said the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk to the Mamoosh of the Invincible Army, “how many unconquerable soldiers have we in arms?” “Upholder of the Faith,” that dignitary replied after examining his memoranda, “they are in numbers as the leaves of the forest!” “And how many impenetrable battleships strike terror to the hearts of all Christian swine?” he asked the Imaum of the Ever Victorious Navy. “Uncle of the Full Moon,” was the reply, “deign to know that they are as the waves of the ocean, the sands of the desert and the stars of Heaven!” For eight hours the broad brow of the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk was corrugated with evidences of deep thought: he was calculating the chances of war. Then, “Sons of angels,” he said, “the die is cast! I shall suggest to the Ulema of the Imperial Ear that he advise inaction. In the name of Allah, the council is adjourned.”

  1. Ambrose Bierce (1842–1914?), U.S. author and journalist. The Devil’s Dictionary (1906).
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  2. “If you’re going to turn into a pig, my dear,” said Alice, seriously, “I’ll have no more to do with you. Mind now!”

  3. Lewis Carroll (1832–1898), pseudonym of Charles Lutwidge Dodgson, English author and mathematician. Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland (1865).
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  2. Twenty thousand thieves landed at Hastings. These founders of the House of Lords were greedy and ferocious dragoons, sons of greedy and ferocious pirates… Such, however, is the illusion of antiquity and wealth, that decent and dignified men now existing, boast their descent from these filthy thieves, who showed a far juster conviction of their own merits, by assuming for their types the swine, goat, jackal, leopard, wolf, and snake, which they severally resembled.

  3. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803–1882), U.S. essayist, poet and philosopher. English Traits (1856).
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  2. A Judge may be a farmer; but he is not to geld his own pigs.

  3. Samuel Johnson (1709–1784), English author and lexicographer, quoted in James Boswell’s Life of Samuel Johnson (1791).
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  2. There is no such thing as a perfect leader either in the past or present, in China or elsewhere. If there is one, he is only pretending, like a pig inserting scallions into its nose in an effort to look like an elephant.

  3. Liu Shao–ch’i (1898–c. 1974), a Chinese communist statesman, he succeeded Mao Tse–tung as chairman of the People’s Republic of China in 1959. Speaking on 13 July 1947 and quoted in: Stanley Karnow’s Mao and China: From Revolution to Revolution (1972).
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  2. Commitment: Commitment can be best illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs… The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.

  3. Anonymous
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  2. All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.

  3. George Orwell (1903–1950), British sociopolitical author. Animal Farm (1945).
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  2. No man should be allowed to be the President who does not understand hogs, or hasn’t been around a manure pile.

  3. Harry S. Truman (1884–1972), Kansas farmer and 33rd U.S. President. From a joke told during an Iowa plowmen’s competition in 1948.
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  2. All of Ruben’s cards
    were marked in advance.
    The trial was a pig circus
    he didn’t have a chance.

  3. Bob Dylan (b. 1941), U.S. musician and songwriter. “Hurricane” from the album DESIRE (1975).
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  2. In a nation ruled by swine, all pigs are upward–mobile and the rest of us are f––ed until we can put our acts together: not necessarily to win, but mainly to keep from losing completely. We owe that to ourselves and our crippled self–image as something better than a nation of panicked sheep.

  3. Hunter S. Thompson (1937–2005), U.S. author and journalist. The Great Shark Hunt (1979).
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  2. If pigs could vote, the man with the slop bucket would be elected swineherd every time, no matter how much slaughtering he did on the side.

  3. Orson Scott Card (b. 1951), U.S. author, playwright, teacher and former missionary for the Mormon Church.
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  2. If a pig goes upon the threshing–floor, or a field, or a garden, and the owner of the meadow, or the field, or the garden smites it so that it die, he shall give it back to its owner; but if he does not give it back, he becomes a thief.

    If anyone have intercourse with a pig or a dog, he shall die. If a man have intercourse with a horse or a mule, there is no punishment. But he shall not approach the king, and shall not become a priest… If a pig spring upon a man for intercourse, there is no punishment.

  3. Hittite Code of Laws or The Code of the Nesilim, (c. 1300 BC).
  1. pig race
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