Leland, Charles Godfrey

The Legend of Saint Anthony

1. The seek-no-further face of loveliness,
2. The perfect form of fawn-like springfulness,
3. And rich as a bonanza just unbound.
4. Catherine Van Peyster, of Fifth Avenue.
5.  
6. She lived a year in Europe—but for aye
7. In all the hearts of all who met her there;
8. And then her pa allowed her boundless cash,
9. Which she laid out in glorious works of art.
10.  
11. Such as the dream-like dresses made by Worth,
12. And heavenly hats by Virot, and all things
13. Refined, aesthetic, swell, and classical;
14. Yea, even a picture—she bought everything.
15.  
16. ‘T is true it was a picture of herself,
17. And when she ordered it she simply said,
18. “I know that I am very beautiful,
19. My mirror tells me that—distinctively;
20.  
21. But I am also very clever too,
22. For I am of a clever family,
23. Papa and sisters all are awful smart;
24. Now you must make it somehow sparkle out
25.  
26. “In what you paint. And as for me, I guess
27. I’ll show you how to fix it—wait a bit.
28. Ain’t there a saint they call Saint Catherine?
29. One of my beaux, I think, once called me that.”
30.  
31. “Si, Illustrissima,” the artist said,
32. “Dere is a Santa Catarina, who
33. Is beautiful most of the oder sants,
34. Vitch giusto suit so lovely mad as you!
35.  
36. “And she do always hold opon a vheel.”
37. “I see!” cried Miss Van Peyster—“just the thing
38. The wheel of fortune—and the loveliest saint;
39. That ‘s me exactly What a perfect fit!”
40.  
41. And so ‘t was painted, and the painted pair,
42. Saint Catherine and Miss Catherine, went across
43. Unto New York; and many people came
44. To call and worship—or to make believe.
45.  
46. And with the rest came Mr. Anthony,
47. A blooming broker, and a mighty man,
48. Who did not think small brewings of himself,
49. Albeit his studies had been very small,
50.  
51. And very few i’ the heap. His face and form
52. Were greasiness and grossness well combined,
53. With sneeriness and nearness in the eyes;
54. He seemed a kind of coarsest Capuchin.
55.  
56. And much he did admire the quaint conceit
57. Of being taken as a holy saint,
58. And said, “I’d like to try that thing myself.
59. How could a feller fix it—Catherine?”
60.  
61. “Easy enough,” replied the beautiful:
62. “You’ve only got to send your photograph
63. Out to my man in Florence, and to say,
64. `Vous peignez moi comme le Saint Anthony.’
65.  
66. “I’ll write it for you if you have a card,
67. And he will fix it for you comme il faut.”
68. That very hour the heavy shaver wrote,
69. And sent the order for his portraiture.
70.  
71. And in due time ‘t was done—and further on
72. ‘T was in the Custom House—and thence ‘t was sent
73. To the Spring Exhibition in New York,
74. There was no time to send it to “the House.”
75.  
76. And Anthony himself beheld it not
77. Till it had hung a week upon “the walls,”
78. And all the newspapers had served it up,
79. And all the world had merry made withal.
80.  
81. Yea, he was in it—clad in dirty rags,
82. A vile abomination. In his hand
83. A monstrous rosary. The Sunday Press
84. Said ‘t was a rope of onions, meant to feed
85.  
86. The monstrous hog which filled the canvas up,
87. So vast in its proportions that it seemed
88. As Anthony were waiting on the hog,
89. And not the hog upon Saint Anthony.
90.  
91. In it and in for it. Just as the Saint
92. Of Padua is painted, with his pig,
93. Only a little more so. And thus ends
94. The tale of the great hog and Anthony.