Tuthill, Stacy Johnson

ALL THE WAY HOME
…’freedom’ here is to accept NECESSITY
— Frank Bidart

1. The old hog, strung by hamstrings
2. on a singletree, hung from a post
3. lodged in the forks of trees,
4. his skin blanched from draining
5. the jugular.
6.  
7. I’d watched him killed by a shot
8. between the eyes, knifed at the neck,
9. dragged to the scalding place,
10. scraped of bristles with a dull
11. butcher knife.
12.  
13. The sight of the pale hog,
14. hanging loose, naked to uncaring eyes,
15. icy wind, moved me as my father’s
16. savage acts had not. I watched Uncle Joe
17. cut the neck around the base,
18. backbone to backbone, twist off the head.
19.  
20. Father carried it on a tray,
21. its dull eyes staring. I thought
22. of John the Baptist.
23. Father knifed the carcass
24. crotch to chin, careful of membranes.
25. He cut the large intestine at the anus,
26. tied it in a knot, cut the gullet at the throat,
27. then sliced the membranes, allowing twisted guts
28. to slide into the washtub smooth as apple jelly.
29.  
30. The liver, kidneys, lungs and heart
31. were all excised and set aside, the small
32. intestines drained for chitterlings.
33. The men trimmed valves, veins, arteries,
34. and sliced away leaf lard, tossing it
35. into the pot for rendering.
36. I buttoned my coat, shivering,
37. tied my scarf tight at the neck
38. against the first freeze of autumn
39. to fall on the full of the moon, while
40. Uncle Joe axed the backbone on both sides;
41. the body fell apart marring its symmetry.
42. Father talked of tenderloin, ham, barbecued ribs,
43. crisp bacon, and middling meat seasoning a pot
44. of pinto beans simmering on the stove in winter.
45. I remembered his warnings to eat more meat,
46. more protein to make mind and muscles strong,
47. dreading tortuous meals eating liver
48. before it spoiled.
49.  
50. I thought of mother’s work to follow:
51. rendering lard, grinding and canning sausage,
52. smoking hams, shoulders, bacon sides, cooking
53. souse, stirring caldrons of lye soap.
54. I’d stayed home from high school
55. that day to help. I was useless: slow
56. to move, squeamish of blood, raw meat,
57. suspicious of my parents for their relish
58. of the kill, hating their calloused faces,
59. their blood-stained hands. Nobody noticed.
60. Hog killing was a family celebration.
61.  
62. Half a world and twenty years away
63. on banks of the Kafue River,
64. beneath towering mahogany, acacia,
65. and other trees I cannot name,
66. I watched Zambian villagers carve
67. an elephant. Stripped to the waist,
68. the blood-stained bodies glistened
69. obsidian in filtered sunlight.
70. Long knives sliced from testicles
71. to throat, entrails oozed
72. on a carpet of leaves, drained,
73. cleaned for chitterlings.
74. Lungs, liver, heart, cooked
75. in clay pots over twig-fed flames,
76. the trunk chopped for pot roasts.
77. Gray skin, underside white
78. and rubbery, axed in yard-long
79. squares. Red, striated meat
80. cut in strips, piled on squares
81. of skin, waited to be smoked
82. on inclined sapling frames.
83. What remained was scattered bones.